I think I may try a second quit smoking attempt on March 1st. I've been told I should be 100% sure it's what I want before making an attempt. But the first time around it was a spur of the moment decision and I went three weeks. It probably would have been successful had a random series of evil events not all occurred around the same time.

The only thing that may hold me back is my recent restlessness and irritability, which I think may partly be after-effects of the panic attacks. It could also be that I've been feeling extremely burnt out lately. Both at work and at home. I love the company I work for and that's why I stay. I just can't stand what I do right now. Eventually there will come a time when my sanity won't be worth all the positives of the job.

At home my inability to say no caused me to take on more things then I can handle. Hobbies should be fun. They shouldn't stress me out and they shouldn't feel like an obligation. And I feel guilty about that. I feel like I'm letting people down and there's no way to bow out gracefully. So I just continue trying to get things done in my free time but I just feel like I'll always be treading water.

I had no intentions of this turning into a rant but I feel a tiny bit better now. I seriously think everyone should learn the art of ranting. At least once in awhile.